I saw someone today who, how should I say it….is someone who's life is clearly influenced by porn, rap music and Grand Theft Auto.
Although I had seen him before, techno phone problems had denied me that knowledge. The outcome of this was, he wanted anal and I was not prepared for that.
Sorry to be blunt, but it literally involves having a shit, douching my asshole repetitively with warm water, baby wipes, talc, then oiling up a dildo to relax my sphincter. Not forgetting, the house work that may be left behind after this particular operation.
So, rather than saying “Oooh sorry, I'm not ready for anal” which I have done before, and perhaps giving him the heave-ho, I politely rushed through my pre-match ritual whilst he waited, for all of 1.5 minutes. The quickest shit of my life I can tell you. All he could do was moan about ‘having to wait, and losing the horn'. He continued to explain that ‘sex should be instant and that I was all ready last time'. He also reprimanded me for using lube for my own gain which deserves a blog in its own right.
Bad prostitute….bad! Where is that naughty step?
So, cut to the chase…there was poo. Only the tweeeeeniest amount. Like I said, I was not prepared. If you wanna go off road, expect mud. I am not talking Mr Whippy, more melted chocolate chip. He was most unnerved by this natural phenomena. Assholes should be like the movies: empty, clinical and pink. How dare I allow my body to function in its organised biological fashion!? Did I eat dinner last night? Shit, I did. Uh oh.
But, rather than tit-for-tatting the whole scenario, as he did love having the last say, I would rather focus on the politics of the situation.
I am not deluded, I am a hooker. I am used and disposed of in order to quench your immediate and subverted sexual requests. Out of all the people in your life, I will receive the least respect. Although I am thankful that the majority of my regulars would whole heartedly agree with that last statement. My kind of punter instigates pillow talk, kissing, cuddling, cunnilingus, toy play…as well as hardcore filthy sex, don't get me wrong! My kind of punter is mature enough to know and want to know further, how bodies work together within a sexual situation. No judgements, no penalties, just an intimate and often holistic exploration.
It is just a shame that the occasional male surfaces with these detached, ignorant and conditioned ideas about women and their role in the bedroom. (I blame porn…have I mentioned this before?! )
This leads me nicely to the title, ‘Am I just a glory hole?' If so keep your money to yourself and in the most politest way possible, fuck off.